Chapter 10

We talked for quite a while about the change, and what it meant for me. Sienna promised to do her best to teach me how to be more feminine. I promised to do my best, although I admittedly still was uncomfortable wearing the basics, much less being dressy and cute. I wasn't sure if it was because I simply hadn't had the chance, from living inside the genetic farm all that time, or if my male mindset was still holding me.

I was just starting to regain composure when I heard the door to Jonathan's bedroom open. Out he stepped, eyes squinted shut, as he stretched and yawned.

"Yaaahh… oh, hey Sienna, and g'mornin' Yuki." Jonathan said, rubbing his eyes.

"You! Out! Now!" Sienna suddenly yelled.

"Woh, hey, wha-"

"No talking, get out!" She interrupted.

"Uhm, okay? I guess I'll grab some breakfast at the cafeteria…" Jonathan said, puzzled.

"You do that," Sienna replied.

Jonathan grabbed a robe, threw on some slippers, and left the apartment.

"You know, Sienna, that wasn't necessary," I explained.

"We're not finished talking. I was thinking, maybe you shouldn't be staying here in the same apartment as Jonathan." She asked.

"I… well… I never really gave it a thought. We've been through so much together already as it is…" I replied.

"Yes, and you can't even so much as hold his hand. Don't you see the contradiction in that?" She pointed out.

"It's not like we're sleeping in the same bed or even the same room!" I cried.

"Yukari, listen. You're still seeing this from a guy's perspective. You've made it pretty clear that you see Jonathan as merely a friend. You see him more as a buddy, one of the guys, but you're not a guy anymore. Frankly, I'm not all that surprised he acted as he did, you're giving off incredibly mixed signals." She explained, thoroughly.

"Mixed signals? I'm not giving off any signals!" I said exasperated.

"So you don't find him attractive at all," She stated.

"Well, I mean, he's a nice guy and all, but I am a-"

"-A what, Yukari? A guy?"

I was caught off-guard by that, and sat still.

"I am not saying you should be looking for a relationship. You have plenty of time to decide on that. But you need to keep in mind that although you may feel, and even act masculine at times, you are a woman now. That is how people see you." She said.

After all this time I would've thought it would've hit me, but it hadn't. Whether I felt like a girl or not, everyone else saw me as one. I needed to be more aware of how others felt.

"What Jonathan did, was a mistake. But it was an honest one. He didn't know your feelings, because you hide them so much. Talk to him, explain how you feel, that you enjoy his friendship, but that is all you can offer right now. He is a nice guy, as you said. He'll understand." She explained.

"Alright, I guess I can do that," I replied, defeated.

"You do agree, right? I think he deserves at least a little bit of an explanation."

"I'll explain my feelings, but right now, my gender crisis is a secret, okay?" I clarified.

"I won't tell a soul," she assured me. "So, what's for breakfast?"

"I don't know, but Jonathan better bring back something good or he's sleeping outside tonight," I replied jokingly.

We both laughed.

"You know what? How about I help you put on something nice today. And maybe we can go shopping as well, for some better outfits." Sienna offered.

I accepted her offer readily, if for any reason then because it sounded normal, and that was something I really needed. Normality. I had to savor the usual, the typical, for I knew there wouldn't be many chances to do so.